ClerkThe grey-clad man taps his fingers on his data-slate. His bulky head implant showers the surroundings liberally with sparks. "Two hundred million... No! Didn't account for corrosion... But where?"
YOU"I have come for the inventory."
Clerk"Another unauthorised addition to the living tithe?" The clerk waves you off, annoyed. "Your turn is in eight cycles! Shoo!"
YOU"I have come for the inventory."continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Reach for the data-slate] "Is that the inventory? Excellent. Give it to me."
ClerkThe clerk yanks the data-slate away with surprising agility and hunches protectively over it. "No! This device is already on the inventory list and must not be removed! I— I? Yes, I must make a note of attempted theft on the record! Please state clearly the offender's name and occupation."
YOU"I have come for the inventory."continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Reach for the data-slate] "Is that the inventory? Excellent. Give it to me."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Abelard, tell this scribbler what I am here for."
AbelardThe Seneschal's booming voice causes a small avalanche of grain in one of the opened containers. "His Lordship/Her Ladyship Rogue Trader [Name] von Valancius, bearer of the sacred Warrant, has come to collect the inventory of the tithe shipment."
ClerkThe clerk winces and mutters mechanically, "Tertius Quart, rank three scribe of the Departmento Catalogus, quantity: one! The inventory— it—"
ClerkHis dry, reddened eyes fix upon you. "There is no Rogue Trader on the inventory! I can't give you anything before I fill in the forms! So, let's start with the retinue..."
Solomorne"Relax, Tertius. There is no time for any further inventory-taking. Just give us the report, and we will take you to the shuttles without any trouble."
ClerkThe clerk's tense shoulders relax a little. "I believe you... But the report... Just one more tiiiny bit of stock-taking, all right?"
YOU"Fine, but make it quick."
ClerkThe clerk gets to work enthusiastically, as if he hadn't heard you.
YOU"Regarding the Adeptus Arbites member of below-average physical integrity, enter in the inventory: 'Honesty: below average. Ethics: second-hand. Disappointment: massive.'"
Clerk"The sub-items have been entered, thank you for your cooperation." Under Solomorne's judgemental gaze, the clerk pokes his finger at the data-slate.
SolomorneSolomorne sighs helplessly. "Mercy, Rogue Trader, I beg you."
YOU"Regarding the Adeptus Arbites member of below-average physical integrity, enter in the inventory: 'Honesty: below average. Ethics: second-hand. Disappointment: massive.'"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Add to the Arbitrator's record: running from his feelings and pushing away the one person who loves him regardless."
Clerk"The sub-items have been entered, thank you for your cooperation." Under Solomorne's judgemental gaze, the clerk pokes his finger at the data-slate.continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Well, let us see what you have to say."
Clerk"A Rogue Trader, quantity: one. Bloodstain count on attire: twenty... Could you turn around?"
Clerk"What? Yes. The assessment is standardised. Don't argue with it." The clerk touches his implant pensively. It has finally stopped sparking. "Excellent, very good! We're almost done... Now, to finalise your inventory record, please take off your clothes."
YOU[Take your clothes off] "You know what? I'm going all the way!"
Clerk(sequence)
Solomorne"Just one question: are you aware that this will go into the report to the Marshal?" Solomorne's iron palm covers his face. "Or, worse, do you actually want this in the report?"
end of branch
Abelard"Lord Captain, why can't you be like other Rogue Traders in how you express your eccentric side? You could reserve a deck for grox races. You could use your crew members as human pieces in games of regicide. At a pinch, you could have your face carved into an asteroid!"
end of branch
CassiaThe Lady Navigator covers her brightly blushing cheeks and turns away. "Not one eye of mine will behold that image... Not one..."
end of branch
Jae"I had become so obsessed with the prospect of seeing mountains of treasure, I forgot you were the real treasure all along, shereen!" Jae makes herself comfortable, intending to fully enjoy the "inventory-taking."
end of branch
ClerkThe clerk grabs his quill greedily, ready to catalogue your every birthmark and scar.
Clerk"Inventory of the Rogue Trader: complete. Thank you for your cooperation. Now, regarding the tithe..."
Clerk"Please understand: I need time for additional inventory-taking! Just a little. A couple of... years. No, decades..."
ClerkTertius's face brightens suddenly as his implant flashes again. "Ah, yes! Yes, of course... Let me open the path to the... the cogitator! That's where the inventory is."
end of branch
YOU"Enough! I will just drag you before the Arbitrators and let them deal with you!"
Clerk"Please understand: I need time for additional inventory-taking! Just a little. A couple of... years. No, decades..."continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."
Clerk"Please understand: I need time for additional inventory-taking! Just a little. A couple of... years. No, decades..."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"
Clerk"Please understand: I need time for additional inventory-taking! Just a little. A couple of... years. No, decades..."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"What did you say about my appearance?"
Clerk"What? Yes. The assessment is standardised. Don't argue with it." The clerk touches his implant pensively. It has finally stopped sparking. "Excellent, very good! We're almost done... Now, to finalise your inventory record, please take off your clothes."continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You must be joking..."
Clerk"...Twenty-six. Equipment condition: excellent. Limb count: satisfactory. Appearance: unremarkable. Self-importance: elevated."continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Have you gone deaf? Where is the inventory?"
Clerk"A Rogue Trader, quantity: one. Bloodstain count on attire: twenty... Could you turn around?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Add to the Arbitrator's record: running from his feelings and pushing away the one person who loves him regardless."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Well, let us see what you have to say."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Have you gone deaf? Where is the inventory?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"continues where this line first appears above
Clerk(sequence)
Clerk"A member of the Adeptus Arbites, quantity: one. A non-standard-issue cyber-mastiff, quantity: one. Physical integrity: below average. Configuration: secondary. Jaw: prognathous and powerful. All of the above applies to both units."
Solomorne"No offence, but I would not trust you with an inventory of Glaito's shit, what with how deranged you are. And to think that someone gave you the Expanse's entire tithe to freely desecrate."
end of branch
Clerk"An Ogryn, quantity: one, extra shaggy. Hazy-eyed, unencumbered by intelligence. Everything within the norm. Equipped with Adeptus Astartes power armour from the Space Wolves arsenal. Note: send an enquiry to Fenris regarding possible theft."
UlfarUlfar makes a superstitious gesture to ward off evil. "Spilling the blood of a harmless fool is a bad omen. The feebleness of mind might spread to the killer. And that is the only thing saving this filthy-tongued louse's life."
end of branch
Clerk"Guard private, aged, quantity: one. Deterioration: high. Unfit for duty..."
Abelard"I am not even sure which offends me more: your invaliding me or your mistaking me, an officer of the Navy, for an expendable Guardsman."
end of branch
Clerk"A servitor of non-standard configuration, quantity: one. Frame: feeble. Functionality: dubious. Signs of subpar lobotomy evident."
Pasqal"The unit's degraded cognitive capacity is confirmed. The unit's functional value is unconfirmed. Requesting termination of vital functions in the name of mercy."
end of branch
Clerk"A Tech-Priest of the Adeptus Mechanicus, quantity: one. Organic limbs: standard quantity. Mechadendrites: within normative parameters. Head..." The clerk squints at Nuncius. "One unit in excess of the required complement. I will log this with the annotation 'recommended for removal.'"
Eogunn"Nuncius is not subject to removal, and the removal of my own head would do little to restore your cognitive functions, layperson, even if I were to graft it onto you. There are cases, it seems, where even my skills prove powerless."
end of branch
Clerk"A mutant most abominable, quantity: one... Scrawny, ugly, and underfed. Adding a recommendation for disposal..."
Yrliet"The deeper my knowledge of your species becomes, the more often I ask myself: how have you colonised so many worlds? How did you reach the stars to begin with?"
end of branch
Marazhai"'Disposal'... Your mon-keigh threats could at least use some variety. But even there, your imagination goes no further than a trite promise of premature demise."
Clerk"A sister of the Adepta Sororitas, quantity: one. Beauty: indescribable. Grace: perfect. Majesty: extraordinary."
Argenta"You are inventing some lady of the court in the place of the warrior you are looking at! What is this so-called inventory?"
Jae"Do not protest, sweet-voiced sister! Has the scribe said a word of untruth?"
end of branch
Clerk"A mutant with albinism, quantity: one. The gill slits suggest an ocean world origin. Note: skin desiccated. Placement in a liquid-filled tank recommended to avoid spontaneous disposal."
Cassia"This servant's colours are mad— Wait, did I just get called a fish?"
end of branch
Clerk"A woman of benign appearance, quantity: one. An opulence of golden Aquilas and Imperium-standard skulls suggests an affiliation with the Adeptus Ministorum. What department are you from?"
Jae"Benign appearance? Yes, that's me! Put down 'Adeptus Amasecus' as my department, esteemed one."
end of branch
Clerk"A man of worn-out appearance with a heavy stare, quantity: one... What department are you from, colleague?"
Heinrix"Put 'N/A' in that field, 'colleague.' And add a note at the top of my sheet that says, 'burn before reading.'"
end of branch
Clerk"A pale, lanky woman, quantity: one. Multiple signs of battery, evidence of malnourishment. Best category fit: Servants. Subcategory: Idlers."
Kibellah"Perhaps I should carve your words into his skin with my blade, Domin? He seems to want..." Kibellah grins darkly. "...a written request."
end of branch
Clerk"And other hired personnel of no note."
Idira"There's irony in a complete lunatic being the only one who thinks me normal."
end of branch
Clerk"This concludes the inventory of the retinue. Proceeding to taking inventory of the Rogue Trader."
end of branch
YOU"I have no time for this!"
ClerkThe clerk gets to work enthusiastically, as if he hadn't heard you.continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"continues where this line first appears above
Clerk(sequence)
ClerkTrazyn's irascible grumbling sounds in your head a little before the glowing silhouette appears. "Rudimentary, very rudimentary. This hoard of rotting banality does not even approach one hundredth of the scale of my collection, and yet Humanity cannot even cope with such a paltry little... how to label it... dust heap."
end of branch
Solomorne"He is stalling. He will continue to chatter away unless harsh action is taken."
YOU"Fine, but make it quick."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"I have no time for this!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Draw your weapon] "Pain will make you more cooperative."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You heard Solomorne: time is running out. The document, Quart. No digressions!"continues where this line first appears above
Clerk(sequence)continues where this line first appears above
YOU"I am [Name] von Valancius. I need the summary report on the tithe."
ClerkThe clerk winces and mutters mechanically, "Tertius Quart, rank three scribe of the Departmento Catalogus, quantity: one! The inventory— it—"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You face Rogue Trader [Name] von Valancius, peasant! On your knees is how you are to greet me! And I will be expecting an inventory of this place's riches from you."
ClerkThe clerk winces and mutters mechanically, "Tertius Quart, rank three scribe of the Departmento Catalogus, quantity: one! The inventory— it—"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Abelard, tell this scribbler what I am here for."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"I am [Name] von Valancius. I need the summary report on the tithe."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You face Rogue Trader [Name] von Valancius, peasant! On your knees is how you are to greet me! And I will be expecting an inventory of this place's riches from you."continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Reach for the data-slate] "Is that the inventory? Excellent. Give it to me."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Abelard, tell this scribbler what I am here for."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"I am [Name] von Valancius. I need the summary report on the tithe."continues where this line first appears above
YOU"You face Rogue Trader [Name] von Valancius, peasant! On your knees is how you are to greet me! And I will be expecting an inventory of this place's riches from you."continues where this line first appears above
Entry point 41 of 41
ClerkThe clerk gives you a hounded look, his implant crackling ominously. "You've eliminated the ambulls? G-good. I'm crossing them off the inventory. How many injuries have you sustained? I must account for the units of blood spilt..."
YOU"You tried to kill me!"
ClerkThe clerk's eyes well up. "I thought it would stop you! I have a job to finish!"
Clerk"You can't imagine how hard this is — the workload, the responsibility! Please understand: I'm on my own here! Well, almost..." The clerk adds in a conspiratorial whisper, "There's another scribe here. He works at night and litters the reports with errors!"
YOU"You tried to kill me!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"There is no cogitator with the inventory, is there?"
ClerkThe clerk's eyes well up. "I thought it would stop you! I have a job to finish!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Do you even realise what the consequences are for attempting to kill a Rogue Trader?"
Clerk"Yes! Death! But, with you gone, the tithe would've stayed here! It would've given me time... Meeting the target, filling in the last form: those are the only things that matter!"
YOU"You tried to kill me!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"There is no cogitator with the inventory, is there?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Do you even realise what the consequences are for attempting to kill a Rogue Trader?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Why were so few clerks assigned to an entire planet?"
Clerk"There used to be more of us. Five died of exhaustion. Three were killed in collapses of tithe assets. Two were eaten by ambulls. Another ten... no, elev— I don't know! Administratum replenishments are too rare! This world is too highly classified!"
YOU"You tried to kill me!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"There is no cogitator with the inventory, is there?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Do you even realise what the consequences are for attempting to kill a Rogue Trader?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Why were so few clerks assigned to an entire planet?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"How did ambulls get here in the first place?"
Clerk"A-ambulls! Repulsive, aggressive pests! They adapt to any environment... This world is infested with them! They got to the tithe and gobbled up everything they saw. And I had to update the inventory!" The clerk's voice falters and turns into inconsolable weeping.
YOU"You tried to kill me!"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"There is no cogitator with the inventory, is there?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Do you even realise what the consequences are for attempting to kill a Rogue Trader?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Why were so few clerks assigned to an entire planet?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"How did ambulls get here in the first place?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Enough! Where is the inventory?"
Clerk"It's incomplete!" The scribe recoils and clutches his head with a moan.
Clerk"The inventory is in my implant. And it's notifying me of unaccounted-for assets — all the time!" The clerk whimpers; his implant creaks in response. "My head is the inventory..."
YOU"As much as I hate to distract you, you are coming with me."
ClerkThe clerk sobs and lowers his sparking head, ready to follow you.
end of branch
YOU"Not another word. And do not even think about falling behind."
ClerkThe clerk sobs and lowers his sparking head, ready to follow you.continues where this line first appears above
YOU[Kill the clerk] "Then I will take it."
ClerkThe clerk collapses to the ground. The smile frozen on his face is one of a man relieved of an unendurable burden.
end of branch
YOU"Enough! Where is the inventory?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"How did ambulls get here in the first place?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Enough! Where is the inventory?"continues where this line first appears above
Clerk(sequence)
Solomorne"Your confession does nothing to diminish your guilt. You will die for what you did, either here or following your return to the Administratum and a lengthy investigation."
Clerk"Th-the Administratum? No! Let me finish the inventory, or kill me... What do I have to sign?"
end of branch
Solomorne"He has lost his mind and is unlikely to recover it. I see no point in judging a madman. I suggest simply collecting the inventory and leaving."
end of branch
YOU"Why were so few clerks assigned to an entire planet?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"How did ambulls get here in the first place?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Enough! Where is the inventory?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"There is no cogitator with the inventory, is there?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Do you even realise what the consequences are for attempting to kill a Rogue Trader?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Why were so few clerks assigned to an entire planet?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"How did ambulls get here in the first place?"continues where this line first appears above
YOU"Enough! Where is the inventory?"continues where this line first appears above
Clerk(sequence)
SolomorneThe Proctor's heavy fist crashes into Tertius's jaw, and a bloodied tooth clangs against the wall of a nearby container. "Account for this. No more evasiveness or asinine excuses. The Rogue Trader asks, and you answer. Is that understood?"
ClerkThe clerk nods quickly, pressing his fingers to his split lips.